


don’t it feel fucked up we’re not in love

by hippopotamus



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Break Up, M/M, Reunion, and more importantly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-25 21:43:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12541852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hippopotamus/pseuds/hippopotamus
Summary: “i don’t think we’re in loveanymore,” isak says. “but i still love you.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> don’t listen to flicker okay blame this fic on that whole album
> 
> title is from too much to ask by niall horan
> 
> ok enjoy pls don’t hate me

they’re lying together when isak says it. when he gives words to what they’ve both been thinking for too long now.

“i don’t think we’re in love any more.”

he hears a sharp intake of breath from above him, but he knows it’s not shock. they know each other too well for that. they know each other too well for everything, now.

it takes a minute, but even swallows, then tries to answer.

“i-” he says. “i think-“

isak rolls over, finally moving his head from even’s chest, a position so familiar that it feels wrong.

“i still love you,” isak says, telling even what he already knows. “and you still love me.”

“we’re just not in love,” even finishes for him, staring up at the ceiling. “yeah.”

“yeah,” repeats isak.

“what do we do?” asks even.

“i have no idea.”

*

isak returns home the next day to find a plate smashed on the kitchen floor, and even staring at it from his current position, slumped against the counter.

“i’ll clear it up,” even tells isak when he notices it. “i will. i promise.”

isak clears it up and even watches.

“i would have done that,” he whispers, and isak nods.

“it’s done now. it’s okay.”

“is it?”

*

“are you coming to bed?” even asks from the doorway, and isak freezes where he sits.

“i-“ he stops, turns to look at even, drinks him in. the way his hair flops into his eyes, the tired hand he runs through it. the scruffy shirt and sweatpants hanging low on his hips, bare feet curling away from the cold floor. the pleading look he gives isak, the one that isak has seen so many times before, only this time its different. this time it’s like - like even doesn’t know if the answer will be yes.

isak doesn’t know either.

he takes a breath. “i’ll be there in a minute,” he says, and tries to smile.

*

they keep going, ignoring the elephant in the room because neither of them knows what to do about it.

even breaks more plates and isak stays awake longer at night.

it crashes, eventually. they almost walk on eggshells around each other for two weeks before even gets a phone call.

usually it’s a non- event, just something that happens, but then usually, even has his phone on silent. and this time he doesn’t.

the song that blasts out of his speakers isn’t one that should trigger such a response from the both of them, freezing them both to their seats. but it’s their song - 5 fine frokner by gabrielle.

even answers the phone a minute later, and isak gets lost in memories.

their first meeting. the afternoon isak spent at even’s house. the night they almost kissed.

the night they _did_ kiss. the two of them, in ridiculous costumes, on the bike together, and then in the pool.

and then everything that came after. the _i need space_ and the _can we talk_ and the _only you can feel what you feel_ and the _we are so getting married_ and the _you think he has feelings for you_ and the _you are not alone_.

at least he has the memories.

*

“we have to talk.”

isak shuts his eyes tight when even says this, as if it’ll help.

“isak, we-“

“i know,” he breathes out. “i know we do.”

even moves to sit opposite isak at the table, biting his lip and linking and unlinking his hands in that nervous even way.

isak takes one of his hands on instinct, probably holds it too tight for it to be comfortable, but even doesn’t say anything about it.

“what-“ even starts, but isak cuts in first, almost desperate.

“i love you,” he says. “don’t ever doubt that, or - or forget it. please.”

even nods, teeth almost cutting onto his lip now. “i love you too.”

isak breathes, maybe for the first time in a while.

“it’s not working, though,” isak says, giving words to the inevitable.

even shakes his head. “no, it’s not.”

“so what do we do?”

*

his cheeks are wet, now. he doesn’t remember when he started crying, but he knew it would happen, so what does it matter?

he tries to make a joke. “eva once told me that breakup sex was the best she ever had.”

the slightly surprised laugh he gets from even makes it worth it. almost.

*

“so we just-“

“i guess.”

“clean break?”

“yeah. as far as we can, at least.”

“it’s easier.”

“mhm.”

*

”i love you. you don’t have to say it back.”

“i want to. i love you too.”

*

“i-“

“bye, is.”

he can’t say it back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...should i do a part two where they get back together
> 
> i probably will for myself more than anything. idk. 
> 
> anyway i’m on tumblr @evenshands
> 
> love always xxx


	2. at the end of the road, i see you with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok here u go i did the thing
> 
> it’s unbetaed and stuff but whAtever
> 
> enjoy

when they finally meet again, five years later, it doesn’t hurt anymore.

or maybe it does. maybe nothing ever really stops hurting. maybe you just stop noticing it.

isak isn’t looking up when he hears that soft “hey.” he still recognises it, but the sound, which as little as two years ago might have had him running, only brings a smile to his face now.

“hey,” he says, looking up.  
there’s a pause. isak isn’t sure if it could be considered awkward, because he doesn’t feel that way. he feels as though he’s basking in the warmth of sunlight after years underground. he adapted. thrived, even, but there was always something missing.

“can i buy you a coffee?”

*

even doesn’t order the same coffee he used to. for that matter - neither does isak, although he hadn’t noticed that as something important until he tells it to even.

they sit towards the back of the cafe, on the smallest table, sitting opposite each other. isak wraps cold hands around the warm drink, and sighs with a smile.

“so,” he starts, tilting his head at even, letting his eyes sparkle with happiness. “it’s been a while.”

“it has,” says even. “it’s good to see you.”

“you too,” replies isak. “how’ve you been?”

“good,” even nods, taking a sip of coffee as he shrugs. isak still knows what that means.

“still hate small talk?”

“always,” says even, breaking into a grin. “tell me about the universe. sana said you’re doing a phd in fucking astrophysics.”

“well, i like space.“

“oh, really? i wouldn’t have guessed that.”

*

isak talks for too long about the universe, and even looks like he couldn’t be happier. at some point they switch, and isak is captivated hearing even talk about his work for the art department of a film company, because he talks about it in that even way, the way isak’s never forgotten.

they talk until long after their drinks are finished, and they’re both sitting there, wondering why they couldn’t have reconnected sooner, although they both know the answer to that. 

“i remember why we fell in love, you know,” even says, somewhat out of the blue, gaze never faltering away from isak for a second. 

isak nods, but doesn’t answer for a second. 

“yeah,” he says eventually. “me too.”

“it was,” even swallows. “it was nice.”

isak nods. “it was. but,” he pauses, tilting his head with a rueful smile. “i remember why it didn’t work, too.”

even exhales a laugh. “yeah. we were too young. the whole thing was too fast.”

“we moved in together six months after we first met,” they’re both fighting laughter now. “i was _seventeen_.”

“god, i know,” groans even. “who let us do that?”

isak shakes his head. “i have no idea. it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“well,” even reasons. “we were good together. you were good for me.”

“we were good for each other,” agrees isak. “for a while.”

“for a while.”

there’s silence, then. isak watches even drum his fingers lightly against the table, and part of him yearns to take his hand, remembers when he could do that. sure, it doesn’t hurt any more, but it’s still something, a longing inside him for his first love. 

“we were young,” even repeats, sighing. “but it was still real, wasn’t it?”

 _the realest thing i’ve ever felt_ , isak wants to say. 

he settles instead for a simple “yeah.”

*

“i think,” isak starts, when he and even sit in the park, takeout cups of their second coffees clutched in gloved hands. “i think i’m glad we broke up. i mean - i think it’s what we needed. to be apart for a while.”

even watches him say this, an unreadable expression on his face. he looks for a while, then finally turns his head back to the view in front of him. “yeah,” he says slowly.

“but,” isak tries again, wanting even to understand him. “i don’t think it has to last forever. the not seeing each other thing.”

it works. a slow smile spreads across evens face, bringing one to isak as well. 

he continues. “i’d like to see you again.”

the smile turns into a grin as isak watches. 

“i’d like that, too.”

*

their first kiss after years apart is short, simple, sweet, all coffee and cold noses. mostly, it’s a promise, a new start. 

it’s isak, and even, and isak and even, finding their way back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok hope u enjoyeded  
> i’m always on tumblr @evenshands altho i’ve been away for a bit but i’ll be back to posting sooOooOOn


End file.
